Thursday, October 17, 2013

Spiritual Knowing

You once asked "What do you want out of life?"

Not long ago, in lives recent and past, it had been you.  Then my changeling self craved transparency.  I wanted nothing but to feel the wind blow through my yielding body, like a ghost with form.  To know all of the secrets hidden in dimensions beyond our sight, to be free.  To know freedom without holding back or holding in.

You were energized by my prose but you were always that way!  Forever reaching toward me, feigning strength and idealism.  I could feel the rising of your desire, it filled the room and our spirits became interwoven,  a familiar pairing since our beginning incarnations.  To know you in intimate ways became my obsession, for this I had given myself to freedom.  Wanting to be fully enlivened in my body and my spirit, tangled up with you.

But I accept that you are honour bound and a coward!  These qualities get mistook one for the other.  Now to unbind myself from this entrainment.  Perhaps there is no freedom after all, no place to hide, no transparency from which to feel and know everything.  It does not blow through, but leaves me saturated in residue.  I hold the scissors but am without capacity to sever the tie.