She said what she wanted to say. Went where she wanted to go. Moving unconstrained with airs of simplicity, even though no one understood that. Few could comprehend her motivations, probably because they were pure or mostly so. Not everyone can handle freedom, she thought. Most just want the absence of responsibility. For freedom you must be willing to stand naked in your life, not letting it matter what the others might say. She wanted to be and let be. To embrace that which caught her attention and let go when it no longer served her heart. She lived all of this with the same ease that the moon turns the tide.
Yet, you remain. A disruption to the ocean. She still didn't know how to handle you. At times wishing you dead, so that the dream of you would be only that. When she awoke, drenched from wrestling the lover ghost of you, it might bring her to weep but at least it would no longer be the impossible waking hope.
In the light, she could remember who she was, know confidence, walk with purpose. Not wanting anyone, including you, to know the width and depth of her affection. When he looked at her, she saw him in equal measures. Hiding was not possible, their souls instantly, electrically entwined with each encounter. That smile around his lips, eyes never losing their trace. Piercing through to the whispers of her unveiled, raw, abandoned self that no one else seemed to see.
It is not easy to dissuade the heart. God does not care either way.
Showing posts with label dreams. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dreams. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
100 Words
i knew the moment you arrived.
as best i could, i kept my eyes closed
and my breathing steady,
joy made my pulse quicken,
desire, my heart skip
i came here, inclined to think
that you might too.
unlocked our door of secrets.
unlocked our door of secrets.
anticipation keeping me awake
constraint keeping me pretending
the lights are out
i didn't want you to know
until you found me here,
burrowed away where the world
doesn't know to look
i've dressed for sleeping
so you might
peel me away in layers.
you laugh softly to find me here,
i smile back in the dark
i smile back in the dark
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Driving in My Car
I paused to think of you today. Thinking how we've committed to these roles. Embedded and entwined in situations we're just not sure about. And these things are always easier to get into than they are to get out. So much damage in the extraction. So much drama. Plays like a bad made for t.v. movie.
Truth is, I don't really want you that much. But I do want you some. Or a lot.
Maybe in an illicit affair. Like she said we'd done in other lifetimes. (Do you suppose that is true?) Torrid, even. Messy, but not impossible to overcome or undo, should the others find out. People forgive and forget these kinds of actions all the time, right?
There is something magical about the two of us, that I am at a loss to deny. Nor want to.
Truth is, I don't really want you that much. But I do want you some. Or a lot.
Maybe in an illicit affair. Like she said we'd done in other lifetimes. (Do you suppose that is true?) Torrid, even. Messy, but not impossible to overcome or undo, should the others find out. People forgive and forget these kinds of actions all the time, right?
There is something magical about the two of us, that I am at a loss to deny. Nor want to.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Longing
"I love you and I hate you."
He asked if it was as simple as all of that. And of course he wanted to know what the future held.
"The whole world" she said "is caught up in love and hate. So I suppose it is as simple and as deeply complex as all of that." She released a slow sigh that had long grown roots in her heart and blanketed the world in its stillness for a moment. "As for the future" a pause to look him in the eye and see if there was deceit or longing there. Most definitely longing. For they were both well aware that they stood in a doorway between their worlds.
She could feel the pull of all their prior lives together. They played in images shaded by grey, pulsing, sometimes crisp and sometimes impressions of what could only be felt, never to be seen clearly. She could imagine them with such ease, bodies colliding with energy and tenderness. Touching, pulling away. It was difficult to keep her desire in check. Nor did she want to play her hand and give the future away.
"The future belongs to the moment in which it is lived out." He closed the small space that had separated them. His breath heavy along her neck, raising the hair there, she refused to move nearer nor would she back away. His hands brushed the sides of her abdomen, making her weak in the knees. Yet she stood. Wanting to open and give it all to him, the way she had imagined that she always had and once again would. They were in territory that could destroy everyone on the other side of this looking glass. He brushed her lips and brought a feather touch of his hand to her cheek.
No longer could she recall the others. This portal was theirs. Here they could meet in dreams and defy all laws of time and space. Wisps and echoes of millenia coursed through them, lives in which their bodies had writhed and moaned together with harmonies as sweet as honey and as dangerous as a swarm of bees.
It was hard to rail against such history.
He asked if it was as simple as all of that. And of course he wanted to know what the future held.
"The whole world" she said "is caught up in love and hate. So I suppose it is as simple and as deeply complex as all of that." She released a slow sigh that had long grown roots in her heart and blanketed the world in its stillness for a moment. "As for the future" a pause to look him in the eye and see if there was deceit or longing there. Most definitely longing. For they were both well aware that they stood in a doorway between their worlds.
She could feel the pull of all their prior lives together. They played in images shaded by grey, pulsing, sometimes crisp and sometimes impressions of what could only be felt, never to be seen clearly. She could imagine them with such ease, bodies colliding with energy and tenderness. Touching, pulling away. It was difficult to keep her desire in check. Nor did she want to play her hand and give the future away.
"The future belongs to the moment in which it is lived out." He closed the small space that had separated them. His breath heavy along her neck, raising the hair there, she refused to move nearer nor would she back away. His hands brushed the sides of her abdomen, making her weak in the knees. Yet she stood. Wanting to open and give it all to him, the way she had imagined that she always had and once again would. They were in territory that could destroy everyone on the other side of this looking glass. He brushed her lips and brought a feather touch of his hand to her cheek.
No longer could she recall the others. This portal was theirs. Here they could meet in dreams and defy all laws of time and space. Wisps and echoes of millenia coursed through them, lives in which their bodies had writhed and moaned together with harmonies as sweet as honey and as dangerous as a swarm of bees.
It was hard to rail against such history.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Discernment
She said that I would fail her often. So to forgive myself now and forget doing it later. Cause if life is a river, it's full of a lot of back water channels and eddies that swirl around and look enticing but don't actually go anywhere.
Yesterday she'd taken pleasure in joy. Something pure that she knew was hers. There had been freedom yesterday from the cage of pleasing others. But today lingered the censure of regret at having given too much away. She wondered if she'd been played for a fool. That was not who she was becoming. That was the child not the woman. Such antics were not for her right now. Now was for beading together the facets of herself, bringing into harmony the tribe of women that had been sharing her spirit for twenty nine hundred years, and were now ready to be knit together.
So she realized that in becoming this woman, discernment would need to be her guide, her friend, her confidant. The bridge to the other side seemed less figurative now, less like something she'd read in a book or been told by another. And the courage to travel was welling up like clouds that billow into towering cumulus, aware that their strength has the power to change the landscape below.
Power and authority she reminded herself. Take these affections and pull them into yourself, let them penetrate you fully, pervade you like a lover that serves your soul. Not so you can judge other but so that you can stand in the light for which your life is calling. So that you can feel the sun on your face and joy in your belly.
Yesterday she'd taken pleasure in joy. Something pure that she knew was hers. There had been freedom yesterday from the cage of pleasing others. But today lingered the censure of regret at having given too much away. She wondered if she'd been played for a fool. That was not who she was becoming. That was the child not the woman. Such antics were not for her right now. Now was for beading together the facets of herself, bringing into harmony the tribe of women that had been sharing her spirit for twenty nine hundred years, and were now ready to be knit together.
So she realized that in becoming this woman, discernment would need to be her guide, her friend, her confidant. The bridge to the other side seemed less figurative now, less like something she'd read in a book or been told by another. And the courage to travel was welling up like clouds that billow into towering cumulus, aware that their strength has the power to change the landscape below.
Power and authority she reminded herself. Take these affections and pull them into yourself, let them penetrate you fully, pervade you like a lover that serves your soul. Not so you can judge other but so that you can stand in the light for which your life is calling. So that you can feel the sun on your face and joy in your belly.
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